1. Anthony Weiner Loses NYC Mayoral Race To Bill De Blasio And Every Other Candidate… Then Gets Chased Away By Sydney Leathers
Once a frontrunner to replace Michael Bloomberg as mayor of New York City, Anthony Weiner ended last night's primary election with only 5% of the vote, losing the nomination to Bill de Blassio, who finished the night with 40%. Just in case he was wondering how he could have fallen so low, the answer showed up at his campaign party in a low cut red dress to remind him.
Sydney Leathers — the now-porn star whose revelations about their sexting relationship ran a sharp knife across the jugular of his political aspirations — stood vigil with a mob of journalists outside the door of the restaurant where he was delivering his concession speech last night to confront him and gain herself just a tad more publicity before she falls back into irrelevancy. She then chased him through a nearby McDonald's and into his car, where he was last seen flipping off reporters.
*Anthony Weiner plops down on couch, sighs loudly, lowers pants, snaps photo of penis*— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) September 11, 2013
2. Jordanian Politician Attempts To Settle Parliamentary Dispute With The Old "I'll Murder You With My AK-47" Argument