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1. Soon You Will Be Able To Own A Small Piece Of The Mediocre Jokes And Flagrant Racism On Twitter, Company Going Public
 
Twitter announced yesterday that they are filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission for an initial public offering of stock to take advantage of the the new Jumpstart Our Business Startups Act for smaller business. Or, to make that more Twitter friendly: @Twitter FYI'ed that it's filing w/ SEC for an IPO because JOBS. #goingpublic

 
2. J.K. Rowling Not Done Milking The Harry Potter Teet, Working On Spinoff Movie
 
Author J.K. Rowling has decided to return to the wizarding world she created in her immensely popular Harry Potter books and their underwhelming film adaptations. The new series, set several decades before the birth of Potter, will jump right over the publication of the books and get directly into the disappointing films.

 
3. National Weather Service Warns Of "Biblical Rainfall," Possibly To Annoy First Amendment Enthusiasts
 
While warning Colorado residents of particularly heavy rain and potential flooding, the National Weather Service — a taxpayer-funded arm of the federal government — showed utter contempt for the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment by warning of "Biblical Rainfall," despite the fact that many state residents are unfamiliar with the stories of the Abrahamic holy books. And that is exactly how your overly-enthusiastically atheist friend would have explained that story.

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