1. Ten Percent Of U.S. Children Have Livers Just Like an Alcoholic's, But Without Any Of The Fun That Comes With Getting Them! 

One in ten children in America are believed to have fatty liver disease, a condition usually seen in adult alcoholics and that sometimes leads to cirrhosis and liver failure. Though seen in about 40 percent of obese children, it is also becoming somewhat prevalent in children of normal-weight, possibly due in part to the high amount of fructose in their diets. Kids' vital organs just grow up so fast nowadays.

2. Microsoft Pulls Cheap Unimaginative Ads Mocking Cheap Unimaginative New iPhones

A few hours after posting a series of crappy online ads — that looked like the product of about seven minutes worth of thought and four minutes worth of effort — mocking the iPhone 5c for its cheap plastic casing and lack of innovation, Microsoft decided to remove them from the Internet. A spokesperson stated that the ad campaign was "off the mark," much like the Windows Phone.