I am ready. By your gametes combined, I am Captain Grandma!

I am ready. I do not know how old you are now, apparently, but I am confident that it is within reproductive range. Maybe you're 14, maybe you're 44; the point is, I'm ready. I know it is your birthday, though, because it was the day I became a mother, the second-most-important thing a woman can be, after a grandmother. I am ready. When? When can I have it? Me. I want it. It's mine. When can you spend 9 months putting your body through massive changes, crescendoing into a day-long festival of pain and screaming, to give my grandchild to me? I am ready.

This card was sent to a redditor's friend, whose Koreanness has not been challenged by the Internet, so we must accept it. Even if she's not, it changes nothing except what accent I use in my head when reading this bad grammar. I've got Irish relatives whom I can tell are actively thinking about, and getting angry about, the fact that I use condoms instead of getting a girl "in trouble" and making her my wife like a good Irish boy.

Also, this card gets 9 times creepier if you don't realize that all of those 9's are I's. "9 am old enough to be a grandmother." *Shudder*


(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: redditor BSCavalier