The family that hires a stripper together, stays together. Weirdly together.
At this point all we can do is spectulate as to exactly why child protective services will someday come for Snooki's baby, Lorenzo. Maybe it's because of an underage tanning incident? Maybe it's because a roided-out Ronnie ends up screaming "Come at me bro!" before proceeding to punch the baby in the face? All we know at this point is that they will come for him. In the meantime, though, here are twenty-three examples of state-intervention worthy parenting to hold you over.
"Oh he loves it. It reminds him of his box at home."
"He just loves it when I turn on the Slurpee machine over him."
"Gotta make sure I put this backpack down safely."
Good thing he won't remember this. Or anything, ever.
"I'm teaching him how to trade bread for rabies."
"Oh, he's just tuckered out from being dragged all over town. Behind our car."
"Boot 'n wally, bwo. You were cwazy wast night."
Jonah could never explain why he was consumed with a desire to open a motel.
"Well, I'm a very unsafe biker, so I don't want my baby scared by oncoming traffic."