Blasphemous new blog depicts Jesus in ways you'll still think are funny when you're rotting in hell.
"Sir, I'm going to need you to take your shoes off. What do you mean those aren't shoes?"
For centuries clergymen, philosophers and stoners alike have contemplated Jesus' omnipresence, but have they ever really taken the time to think about what that looks like? Well, the hilarious sinners over at Jesus Everywhere have, and boy do their photoshops help us better understand just how powerful He is. Here are our 18 favorites, in no particular order. We hope you enjoy. Or, if you don't, at the very least take comfort in knowing that those who do will be roasting in a lake of fire for all eternity with Hitler, Juggalos and the guy who invented Crocs.
Jesus: Great for scaring crows, vampires and members of the ACLU.
Bidding one dollar more than the highest bidder — CLASSIC omnipotence.
"Let me see that lord-lord-lord-lord-lord"
"Redemption, get your redemption here!"
"I'M KING OF THE JEWS!"
If you think this is impressive, you should see him as the engine of a 747.
"Ugh. Jesus is such a f**king know-it-all. It's like, WE GET IT JESUS, you're omniscient!"
...and when there was only 38 sets of footprints, that's when I was off dog-walking.
Jesus is a great hunting dog, but he WILL giggle at you if you miss.
"Ugh, I hope he doesn't start telling a sob story and then ask everyone for change."