Pick your poison. (via)
(Click Map To Enlarge)

The bad news is that you are going to die. The good news, at least according to these maps put together by Slate, is that you're probably not going to die of typhoid, syphilis, or disco fever. That's because there's a very, very good chance you'll die of some form of heart disease or cancer. Those two diseases are responsible for so many deaths in the United States that death map-makers often don't include them in their stats out of fairness to other diseases. 

Heart disease and cancer are the Beatles and Stones of mortality in the United States, accounting for more deaths than the next eight causes combined. Put another way, if death, as an opponent, were the Miami Heat, heart disease and cancer would be LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. The next two leading killers, stroke and respiratory disease, would be Chris Bosh and Ray Allen in this scenario, in that they may not put up the same numbers, but are still a significant threat. Accidents would be Chris "Birdman" Anderson, who won't light up a stat sheet, but can catch you off guard and kill you on any given night.

When you remove heart disease, cancer, stroke, accidents, and respiratory illness, the map gets more interesting, at least statistically speaking. Emotionally speaking, it's still a majorly depressing punch in the metaphorical balls.

Kidneys: The other dicks. (via)
(Click Map To Enlarge)

This map shows the causes of death in states in numbers disproportionate to the national rate. Though, as the Slate article points out, any making comparisons between states can be misleading:

"Looking at this map, you probably would not guess that Utah has the sixth-highest diabetes rate in the country. Diabetes just happens to be the one disease that affects Utah most disproportionately. Louisiana has a higher diabetes death rate than any state, but is affected even more disproportionately by kidney disease."

You can find a much more detailed look at causes of death by state, including more maps of the macabre, over at Slate.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Sources: Slate