Human entertainment conglomerate Disney will begin fingerprinting humans ages 3-9 who wish to enter the company's many amusement parks. This is an expansion of the media entity's current biometric tracking program, which currently only amasses the unique prints of homo sapiens from the ripe age of 10 and up. This is expected to cut down on families exchanging under-10 passes, giving some juvenile humans un-purchased fun.

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The company, which has spent a century honing the art of exciting the brain's pleasure centers through both audio-visual movies and kinetic roller coasters, assured its skittish mammalian customers that it does not retain this information. Instead, the images are converted to a series of numbers only Disney can understand. If this upsets the human offspring's parents, they can opt to use their own fingerprints a second time instead, as long as they accompany their broodling every time they enter the park.