1. Miley Cyrus.
Where do I begin? First off, she exists. Secondly, she hosted the VMAs and looked like a weird Dutch clown the whole time. Thirdly, she got called out by Nicki Minaj and had a pretty whiney response. Fourthly, we all saw her nipples. Fifthly, we all saw her nipples again. Sixthly, she refers to her grandma as her "mammy." *catches breath*
2. Donald Trump.
Donald Trump was on good behavior. Sure, he said he'd re-re-name a mountain, he got in an Instagram feud with Jeb Bush, and he thinks Kanye loves him. But still, there's a chance that he's going to become president, and that by itself should put you in a constant state of wanting to drink to forget about our nation's problems.