5. This Family - It's hard to say what's worse: Getting busted for faking your mom's death, or finding out your life means less to your offspring than a few days of Cheetos, sweatpants and Maury Povich.
4. Charlie Sheen - Sheen was recently inundated with more than 1,800 text messages after mistakenly posting his phone number on Twitter. Bizarrely, it was meant to be a direct message to Justin Bieber, whom we can only assume Sheen mistook for an underage girl.
3. Alabama politician Bill Johnson - Johnson, an anti-gay conservative, is accused of helping lesbian couples in New Zealand have children. (The runners-up for this spot are every couple in New Zealand whose children are now half Bill Johnson.)
2. Mitt Romney - The Stormin' Mormon is being branded an out-of-touch elitist after casually offering to make a $10,000 bet during the latest debate. We're not sure what all the fuss is about though — Romney is just a regular guy who puts his pants on one leg at a time with the help of a 64K-gold diamond-encrusted pants-putting-on machine.
1. Meth Shopper - This story was all the more shocking to us because we just always assumed "people making meth while they shop" was Wal-Mart's target demographic.