5. The Muppets - The jig is up, Comrade Kermit — the helpful watchdogs at News Corp have finally exposed your pinko leftist agenda. We must silence these mindless caricatures and the dangerous rhetoric spewing from their giant, flapping mouths. Fox News pundits, we mean.

 

4. Gloria Cain - Now that Herman is officially out of the race, the rest of us can go back to pretending he never existed. But this poor woman still has to hear about the 999 Plan every single day, which is probably the worst thing that's happened to her yet. 

 

3. This Kid - Fourth-grader Emanyea has been suspended for sexual harassment for reportedly telling a fellow classmate that their teacher was "cute." His legal team, the members of Van Halen, are currently working on an appeal.

 

2. FAA Administrator Randy Babbitt - Recently busted for driving around drunker than commercial airline pilots fly, Babbitt lives by one rule: Safety in the air, belligerent human missile on the ground.

 

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1. Fake boob doctor Phillip Winikoff - Winikoff was found and arrested by the FBI which, ironically, was actually just three guys in "Female Body Inspector" T-shirts.