5. Everyone who works at the Today Show - ABC's Good Morning America has trounced its competition for the second week in a row. Maybe Today should let all of its anchors be more like Kathie Lee and Hoda. It probably wouldn't help ratings, but at least they'd all be too hammered on cheap wine to notice.
4. New Jersey residents - Yes, citizens of the Garden State could be on this list every week, but today was especially rough on them because it marked the official handover of the state's NBA team to borough of Brooklyn — along with the debut of its sleek, stylish new logo. For fans of the old Nets, it's a little like watching your ex go on a date with her younger, hipper boyfriend who's wearing considerably less AXE body spray.