"Stories about the Führer's phallus have existed for over 60 years."

Anytime that's the first line of a Time story, you can thank your lucky fortune cookie numbers for the Internet. Because rumors of Hitler's "disfigured genitalia" recently resurfaced when "news outlets around the world reported the German dictator had a micropenis," the 92-year-old magazine paid a reporter to validate or discredit the rumors of the Fuherer's tiny junk. 

Hitler screaming for his lost testicle?

Unfortunately, Time didn't find the answer, but the publication is a great place to start on the "did Hitler have a micropenis?" Internet scavenger hunt. The ambiguous Time story will link you to an Independent headline, one that's about to become your favorite headline of all time: "Historian rejects claim Adolf Hitler had a micropenis." 

So where must you go for someone to just straight up tell you Hitler had a tiny dingus? Not too far at all. Just a click away to Raw Story, and their beautiful piece—"Hitler had a deformed micro-penis and only one testicle, medical records reveal." Naturally, they'll link you to a Gentlemen's Quarterly story, which takes the stance of defiant teenager with a flippant declaration, "So, It Turns Out Hitler Really Did Only Have One Ball."