Maybe people at the party can brainstorm some new catchphrases for this guy.

We don't know who this lycra-clad gentleman is; all we know is that he can't make it. I'll get to all the parts I want to make fun of in a second, but let's just acknowledge a few awesome things here: 1.) Blu-Tack. Hell yes, Blu-Tack. I feel an overwhelming desire to make construction paper cutouts and mount them for all to see. 2.) Speech bubbles. Good shape, good size, good handwriting. 3.) Those sneakers. I like them. Overall, this guy aced the whole "I can't come to your party" thing. That being said...

He only has six phrases, three of which seem to be soccer-related, one of them is "Alright gays," and the Mythos one, upon further review, refers to an online game that is still in beta testing and so requires an invite to play. Hence, he is actually asking for a spare Mythos invitation, which IS PRETTY IRONIC since this entire letter is about declining an invitation.

That aside, he seems like a pretty alright gay. I mean alright guy. Sorry, I was overcome with the hilarity of "alright gays." Chuckle. It does look like there's a question mark or perhaps another word, possibly beginning with a capital T or I, next to "gays." I'm not sure how it would work as a question, unless he needed the gays' permission for something.

Also, there's no comma between "alright" and "gay." I think what he wants to say is, "alright, gays," as if he was saying "alright, guys, that's enough." Without that comma, though, it sounds like he's surveying the party's supply of gays and deeming them alright. Chuckle. I'm just going to assume the next word makes it something awesome. Someone please find this guy because this is going to drive me insane.

Seriously, though, what's with Arsenal and always trying to walk it in? Not alright, gays.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: redditor LilBorrower