Say it ain't so, you svelte piece of shit.
"Inside me was a thin man trying to get out. Inside that was a fucked-up perv." (Getty)
When I woke up this morning, I came into the kitchen to find my wife at the computer. She looked up at me and said, "The FBI raided Jared from Subway's house today." Thinking my day would be brightened by the spicy zest of a drug ring or maybe even some kind of massive Subway weight-loss fraud, I immediately brightened up. "Nice!" I said, my salacious blogger's appetite whetted like a fat man trying to live on a six-inch whole wheat Italian BMT alone. But my wife just stared at me. And then I knew.
"It was child porn, wasn't it?"
"How did you know?" she asked.
"Because otherwise this would be hilarious," I answered.
But it's not hilarious. It's Jared Fogle going from former obese person to current potential pedophile. He has not been arrested, but he has been detained. Authorities have confirmed he is a suspect. He has not been charged. But, his home in Zionsville, Indiana was raided this morning by FBI and local police, who filled up an evidence truck with electronics from Jared's house while serving a warrant in connection to a federal child pornography case. Jared was home at the time and was seen in the evidence truck. Although authorities will not confirm it, this case likely began when Robert Taylor, then-director of the Jared Foundation, was arrested earlier this year with 500 videos of child pornography, which he was also accused of producing.