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Christopher Patterson would be perfect for our new TLC reality show, "What Not To Wear When You're Suspected of Drug Trafficking." The Florida resident showed up for his court hearing in a stylish-yet-whimsical number that doesn't just promote crack — it tells you how to make it, complete with helpful arrows between each step in case you get lost. Patterson's lawyer told ABC his client was merely "expressing his freedom of speech." Saying "I'm very, very guilty" would have been easier.

Sources: ABC News | Tosh.0