So basic.


No one wants to be basic. But some of the lists you'll find online don't go far enough to warn people of all the times they're at risk of exhibiting basic behavior. Sure, we all know that drinking a Starbucks latte can quickly turn someone cool into the most basic of basic human beings. However, everyone on the planet seems to enjoy a Starbucks latte. What if everyone is more basic than they thought? 

Don't be alarmed. Here is a comprehensive list of all the things that make a person basic, with helpful alternative behaviors you can adopt so no one can ever label you basic ever again:

-If you like sleep, you're basic. The only time you should use a mattress is to store money.

-If you like sex, you're basic. You should internalize all your sexual energy and convert it into charcoal sketches of horses.

-If you like exercise, you're basic. The only time you should purposefully exert energy is when you're in mortal danger or while engaged in an obscure religious ritual.

-If you eat food, you're basic. You should only live on tree bark and old action figure limbs.