A 38-year-old Minnesota woman was tired of the neighbor kids, so she sent the family anonymous threats saying that she wanted to taste and lick their children. All this because they were noisy and left stuff on her porch. Carrie Pernula was arrested and now faces possible charges of gross misdemeanor terroristic threats and stalking. Yes, threatening to eat kids is gross, but in this case a gross misdemeanor refers to a minor crime, like petty theft. Apparently it's a minor crime in this country if you only threaten to eat kids. USA! USA! She sent the first letter on September 27:


But Carrie didn't stop there. She fully committed to the part of being a pretend cannibal stalker, and paid for magazine subscriptions to be sent to the house under the name "tasty children." Can you believe that? Magazines! No one reads magazines anymore — print is dead. Get with the times, lady! It's surprising she didn't leave them haunting threats on cassette tapes, or start a chain letter getting people from all over the world to threaten the family.


Pernula has been released from jail, and the city attorney is now weighing whether to press charges. If she stays in her house, her neighbors are going to hate her and all the neighborhood kids will whisper about her forever. That's really difficult to achieve in Minnesota. Minnesotans are a peaceful people, resilient and cheerful. Even if she'd menacingly screamed for the kids to stay off her damn porch, they probably would have brought her a casserole to see if it would change her temperament. Not anymore. She should have just posted a crazy sign, like the woman who threatened to poop on lawns or the guy who threatened his bitch-ass neighbors.

Sources: CBS Minnesota