Performance Review for Winter: Q1 2015


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Precipitation: Satisfactory

Winter's numbers truly excelled in this sector, specifically in the northeast region. Unfortunately, many of these deliverables were later than initially projected based on past performance.


(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)

Temperature: Excellent

This year, Winter really went above and beyond normal responsibilities. It didn't have to reinvent the wheel. Instead, there was an impressive return to this department's bread and butter: bitter cold.

A video posted by TJ Parker (@tjparker) on

Interior Destruction: Excellent

Thanks to a strong showing in the precipitation quadrant, nearly every week of winter brought its street team, rock salt, into homes across the country.


(Via: People are posting photos from last night's snowstorm in Buffalo, NY, and it was fascinatingly insane.)

Depression-Inducement: Excellent

While other seasons still rely on things like the preponderance of weddings or having to go back to school to prompt depression, Winter achieves this easily, allowing time for other projects like flu epidemics and power outages.


(Via: The best examples of people making the most of a cold situation.)

Cooperation/Working with Others: Unsatisfactory

At the close of this quarter, winter could have exhibited more compromise with its coworker spring, which normally handles the workflow in this time period.


(Via: This heroic cat jumped through a wall of snow to rescue food from not being eaten.)

Holidays: Satisfactory

Winter came out the gate strong this quarter with perennial favorites like Christmas and New Years Eve, not to mention the office-closing Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Presidents Day, and the unofficial holiday that is Superbowl Sunday. The weak point, however, is Valentines Day, which still leads the entire organization in tears, bad sex, and suicide threats.

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