6. Shovel your snow and/or bang your wife.

Dignity isn't always an important factor when it comes to finding a way to support your team at the Super Bowl. Take for example this "Troy Polamalu look alike" who was willing to help your wife break the 7th commandment (adultery) for tickets, rather than just sneak in by pretending to be Troy Polamalu, like a smart person would.


5. Let you name their baby.

First of all, exchanging Super Bowl tickets worth thousands of dollars for the right to name a baby a "real name" isn't a deal, it's a scam. Secondly, we'll have you know that Batman Fartpants was our grandfather's name and he fought in WWII in order to make sure Adolf Hitler's tyranny wouldn't prevent assholes from posting crazy want ads on the Internet. Ooh, actually, speaking of "real names": Adolf Hitler.

4. Continue to be homeless.

When homeless couple Aaron Hermes and Ouida Wright found out they were lucky winners of an all inclusive trip to the Super Bowl (valued at $10K-20K), they jumped at the chance to sell their tickets to the meaningless sporting event in order to stock up on food and living essenti...wait, what? They kept the prize? And willingly incurred the taxes that came with it? Wow. Boy are we glad we've got our post-apocalyptic society shelter ready to go.

3. Give you their left nut.

This would be a great trade for a lot of perverts out there, but alas, the ad emphatically states: "No perverts!!!"

Sources: Jockular