A 54-year-old hiker named Dan Richman was mauled by a bear in the Sierra Madre foothills of California on Monday and a state warden thinks it may be because he interrupted two bears getting it on, the Los Angeles Times reports. This reminds me of a time when my college roommate forgot to put a sock on the doorknob, except in my case the scars were only emotional.
Richman, who said he feels "fortunate" to have survived, relayed the terrifying chain of events to KTLA. "All of a sudden, I saw this bear standing on its hind legs and I'd never seen a bear in person before," he said. "I was pretty freaked out." After trying to run away, he then encountered a second bear, which ended up attacking him. Richman played dead as the bear put its jaws around his neck and finally gave up.
He managed to escape, sustaining a head injury and "multiple cuts" on his head, legs, feet, and torso.
According to the Los Angeles Times, a state game warden speculates that the bears "may have been a mating pair that was interrupted." "The hiker probably just surprised the bears and they reacted the way an animal with teeth and claws does, attack," said a spokesperson, who really seems to be on Team Bear.
And can you blame them? Those bears were just trying to get it on in peace. Then again, all of this could be avoided if everyone who co-habitates would just put a god damn sock on the door before they get down to business. OK, ALLISON??