A 54-year-old hiker named Dan Richman was mauled by a bear in the Sierra Madre foothills of California on Monday and a state warden thinks it may be because he interrupted two bears getting it on, the Los Angeles Times reports. This reminds me of a time when my college roommate forgot to put a sock on the doorknob, except in my case the scars were only emotional.

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Richman, who said he feels "fortunate" to have survived, relayed the terrifying chain of events to KTLA. "All of a sudden, I saw this bear standing on its hind legs and I'd never seen a bear in person before," he said. "I was pretty freaked out." After trying to run away, he then encountered a second bear, which ended up attacking him. Richman played dead as the bear put its jaws around his neck and finally gave up.

He managed to escape, sustaining a head injury and "multiple cuts" on his head, legs, feet, and torso.

According to the Los Angeles Times, a state game warden speculates that the bears "may have been a mating pair that was interrupted." "The hiker probably just surprised the bears and they reacted the way an animal with teeth and claws does, attack," said a spokesperson, who really seems to be on Team Bear.

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And can you blame them? Those bears were just trying to get it on in peace. Then again, all of this could be avoided if everyone who co-habitates would just put a god damn sock on the door before they get down to business. OK, ALLISON??

Sources: USA Today