Beware: nightmares ahead. On Wednesday, May 25, 38-year-old Atthaporn Boonmakchuay was at home in Thailand, squatting over his household toilet when (okay, take a deep breath) a sharp pain alerted him to the fact that a huge python lurking in the toilet pipe had risen up to bite into the tip of penis and wouldn't let go.
Note: Women, even if you do not have a penis, you must realize that this is, for most men, an extremely bad and wildly unfavorable situation.
Atthaporn began screaming for his wife as blood splattered all over the bathroom. Meanwhile, he continued to wrestle with the snake in an attempt to not lose his penis. He quickly came up with a plan—he yelled out for a rope, which he used to tie the 12-foot snake's head to the ground. Then he passed out from blood loss.