Slide fetishist Christopher Johnson was arrested this week for making sweet love to a playground slide in Stoke Green Park in Coventry, England. It was his second offense. What do you do with a problem like Mr. Johnson?

To be fair, those swings look very beautiful in this light.

Ban him from playgrounds forever! Or three years, at least. That's what happened to the 46-year-old repeat offender. The Coventry Magistrates Court gave him a three-year Criminal Behaviour Order. The order bans him from "partying" at any parks, leisure centers, swimming pools, lidos (what is this, Englanders?) or playgrounds featuring that seductive temptress we call a slide.

It seems sad that Christopher Johnson is being separated from his primary sexual interest, but in addition to the ban he is also receiving sex offender treatment for 18 months, and a rehabilitation activity requirement. It's not explicit if this means psychological treatment and help, or verbal abuse where they shout, "You're a pervert!" at him for a year and a half, but let's hope for the former. A man having sex with a slide is NOT living his best life. Help him get his life back on track, guys!

Sources: Examiner