When you need to drop a deuce badly, you can't help but feel an immense, impending doom. And it's even worse when there's no toilet (and of course, no toilet paper) in sight. So the natural thing to do is to poop wherever the hell you are, right?

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

Unfortunately, someone on Reddit gave folks a chance to share their greatest number two stories by asking them, "Where's the weirdest place that you have ever pooped?" After reading this disgustingly hilarious potpourri of stories, you'll consider keeping a roll of TP with you at all times.

1. 109810's version of toilet paper is all natural, not recommended.

In a forest of pine trees. I wiped. With. A. Pinecone.

2. The place JayqHD pooped is probably the place you lost your virginity.

Shat in the backseat of a car. I asked to stop but by the time we got to a restroom it was too late. I had literally been lifted four inches off of my seat by this solid, fibrous poo the size of a raccoon. I sat there in shame for 20 minutes as we made our way back across the bridge home. When we arrived, I got out of the car and the large clump of poo fell out of my shorts onto the concrete drive way. My father proceeded to hose my butthole with a high-pressured stream in the backyard, unable to keep a straight face.