Further evidence that God is not great: he allows pandas to continue their disgusting lives unchecked.

Like the ghost of a better bear, the braindead panda stares into the distance, all the while thoughtlessly munching a piece of bamboo. God is dead. (image via Thinkstock)


Scripture tells us that God so loved the world that He gave us His only son, Jesus, so that we could have eternal life. Then, I guess as some sort of prank, God made The Giant Panda. And now all believers will be forced to live with at least the memory of these awful beasts for all eternity.

If ever there were a being that is the absolute opposite of Jesus, it is the panda. Jesus was a physically fit miracle-working spiritual leader who understood the human condition so well that he amassed a following of billions of people after his death. The panda is a fat, lazy, half-dog/half-manatee land mammal that can barely reproduce. God chose the serpent as a way to illustrate the Devil in the Bible, but if He were looking for a real nemesis to humankind, He need look no further than the panda.

The Giant Panda looks on dumbfounded, black rings around the eyes as if God punched it in the face twice upon finishing it. (image via Thinkstock)

Though a carnivore, the panda's diet is 99% bamboo. Not because it's good at digesting bamboo. It's not. At all. It eats tons and tons of the fast-growing plant, barely getting anything out of each individual bite.

Sources: National Zoo | Wikipedia