In a Skype address at SXSW Interactive last weekend, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange hinted that "upcoming material" would soon be leaked to the public. As a true patriot and a believer in information freedom, here's what I hope WikiLeaks finally brings to the public:
Presidential dream journals - I refuse to believe Washington doesn't retain extensive records of the nocturnal musings of its top men, to be studied for out-of-the-box fiscal strategies and psychic impurities by a dedicated staff of psychoanalysts, medicine men, and somnonauts. How did FDR fly in his dreams? How did Taft? How utterly depraved were JFK's sex dreams? How about Nixon's? Did Washington dream about his teeth falling out? Did Woodrow Wilson dream at all? The public has a right to know.
More numbers - Why is America falling behind in math and science education? Simple: because China has more numbers than we do. The government cannot continue to hoard our nation's precious numbers. They belong to our children, and our children's children.
Who shot JFK - Seriously, we give up. Just tell us. This isn't fun anymore.
Nudes - We got half a billion of these, I bet. If you've got nipples and email, the NSA's got you. Just release all of them. Probably a boatload of Olympic athletes in there. Probably Angela Merkel. Certainly John Kerry. Racy polaroids of Lady Bird Johnson from way back. Not only would it expose the scale of the surveillance state, it would permanently dynamite standards of decency in the information age. When everyone's naked on the internet, no one is.