- I can't wait for the day when I can drink with my kids instead of because of them. - Having kids is the first of many bad parenting choices. - Making sure my single friends know how hard it is to be a mom is almost as exhausting as being a mom. - The best thing about being a new mom is the lower tolerance from not drinking for nine months. - I worry about what my kids see online especially if it's my complaints about them on my mommy blog. - Searching Pinterest for fun activities to do with my kids is a great way to avoid spending time with my kids. - I love the sound of unconscious children. - I love spending time with my children except when they are sick, hungry, tired, or annoying. - I want my kids to be good at math but not so good that they can count how many glasses of wine I've had. - Having kids reminded me why I didn't want to have kids. - I wish my kids would leave me alone while I repeatedly refresh Facebook to see who liked my post about my kids. - Technically, you're not drinking alone if your kids are home. - My summer vacation is sending my kids to camp. - The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink. - If jumping in the shower after a long day with the kids is the closest thing I'm getting to a vacation, you'd better believe I'll be masturbating until I run out of hot water.