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    Sorry the performance I put on for you last night would only be a contender for Best Short Film.

    Sorry the performance I put on for you last night would only be a contender for Best Short Film.

  •  

    You're formally invited to an evening of brutally critiquing incredibly expensive outfits in our sweatpants.

    You're formally invited to an evening of brutally critiquing incredibly expensive outfits in our sweatpants.

  •  

    I'm sorry award show acceptance speeches are more emotional than anything I've ever said to you.

    I'm sorry award show acceptance speeches are more emotional than anything I've ever said to you.

  •  

    If we were in a movie, the audience would never believe someone as hot as you would end up with me.

    If we were in a movie, the audience would never believe someone as hot as you would end up with me.

  •  

    For Valentine's Day, let's watch a romantic comedy that reinforces our hopelessly high standards of romance.

    For Valentine's Day, let's watch a romantic comedy that reinforces our hopelessly high standards of romance.

  •  

    Happy birthday to someone who's reached an age where it's officially creepy to watch teen vampire movies.

    Happy birthday to someone who's reached an age where it's officially creepy to watch teen vampire movies.

  •  

    Watching movies with you has turned the smell of popcorn into a turn on.

    Watching movies with you has turned the smell of popcorn into a turn on.

  •  

    Happy birthday to someone who's now too old to sit through an entire movie without peeing.

    Happy birthday to someone who's now too old to sit through an entire movie without peeing.

  •  

    Let's watch a movie we've already seen so we can ignore it and make out.

    Let's watch a movie we've already seen so we can ignore it and make out.

  •  

    This New Year's Eve I'd rather pop corn in sweatpants instead of pop champagne in dress pants.

    This New Year's Eve I'd rather pop corn in sweatpants instead of pop champagne in dress pants.

  •  

    My New Year's resolution is for you to have better taste in movies.

    My New Year's resolution is for you to have better taste in movies.

  •  

    May your New Year's Eve be like a romantic comedy and not just a comedy.

    May your New Year's Eve be like a romantic comedy and not just a comedy.

  •  

    Sorry you paid $500 to fly home just to spend the entire time watching holiday movies you've already seen.

    Sorry you paid $500 to fly home just to spend the entire time watching holiday movies you've already seen.

  •  

    Happy Hanukkah to someone who will undoubtedly celebrate by watching a Christmas movie.

    Happy Hanukkah to someone who will undoubtedly celebrate by watching a Christmas movie.

  •  

    Sorry your favorite holiday claymation movies scarred your children for life.

    Sorry your favorite holiday claymation movies scarred your children for life.

  •  

    I'd love to watch a movie with you if you could stop tweeting and checking Facebook during the movie.

    I'd love to watch a movie with you if you could stop tweeting and checking Facebook during the movie.

  •  

    I love watching holiday movies with my family when everyone's mouths are too full of popcorn to talk.

    I love watching holiday movies with my family when everyone's mouths are too full of popcorn to talk.

  •  

    Holiday movies teach us that miracles can happen, provided you're a rich and attractive Hollywood actor.

    Holiday movies teach us that miracles can happen, provided you're a rich and attractive Hollywood actor.

  •  

    It's a miracle you haven't seen every holiday movie, considering the ungodly number of hours you've spent in front of the TV.

    It's a miracle you haven't seen every holiday movie, considering the ungodly number of hours you've spent in front of the TV.

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    Sorry I'm more emotional about holiday movie characters' relationships than ours.

    Sorry I'm more emotional about holiday movie characters' relationships than ours.

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