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  • Take Kids To.. Take Kids To..

    Sorry there's no take your cats to work day.

    Sorry there's no take your cats to work day.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I'm a good listener to the sounds you make when you're naked.

    I'm a good listener to the sounds you make when you're naked.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Your birthday is a welcome opportunity to celebrate something in April unrelated to hideous biblical tragedies.

    Your birthday is a welcome opportunity to celebrate something in April unrelated to hideous biblical tragedies.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.

    May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Our genitalia should get back in touch.

    Our genitalia should get back in touch.

  • Birthday Birthday

    However old you are is the new 30.

    However old you are is the new 30.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

    I was going to drink tonight anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you get as much praise and attention on your birthday as an average millennial feels entitled to every day.

    May you get as much praise and attention on your birthday as an average millennial feels entitled to every day.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my Internet connection came back.

    I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my Internet connection came back.

  • Admin Pros Day Admin Pros Day

    We'd have gotten you a card signed by everyone but you're the one who organizes those things.

    We'd have gotten you a card signed by everyone but you're the one who organizes those things.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you grow so old that you unintentionally frighten small children.

    May you grow so old that you unintentionally frighten small children.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I need a hug that results in wild sex.

    I need a hug that results in wild sex.

  • Take Kids to.. Take Kids to..

    I'm bringing my kids to work so they can see why I'm such a bitch when I get home.

    I'm bringing my kids to work so they can see why I'm such a bitch when I get home.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to send this.

    Your birthday means so much to me I've taken time out of doing nothing to send this.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I hope you don't have to spend more than 14 hours of your birthday in the office.

    I hope you don't have to spend more than 14 hours of your birthday in the office.

  • Flirting Flirting

    You're the one I want running beside me during the zombie apocalypse.

    You're the one I want running beside me during the zombie apocalypse.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.

    Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Rest assured that your recent accomplishments at work have gone largely unnoticed.

    Rest assured that your recent accomplishments at work have gone largely unnoticed.

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