Save money this St. Patrick's Day by passing out as fast as humanly possible
I'm so glad you won't be spending your birthday driving a Prius through Chile
I'm starting a drunken brawl with the first person today who stereotypes the Irish
My self-esteem comes from not responding to people who contact me on dating sites
This is the one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
There's no gentle way to tell you that you're the designated driver on St. Patrick's Day
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder
I'm respectfully devoting the day after St. Patrick's Day to eating Lucky Charms in my underwear
Let's make this a St. Patrick's Day to remember before we black out
Until I met you, I didn't know Jews could drink like Irishmen
I'm confident your birthday will be the least miserable day of Lent
