The hurricane isn't coming anywhere near here but I say we evacuate anyway
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder
Paris Hilton saying her cocaine belonged to a friend reminded me I owe you a call
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
May your summer birthday be less hot and sticky than the moment of your birth
Sorry Hurricane Earl has been to better places than you this summer
Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed
This is the perfect day to thank me for remembering your birthday
May Lady Gaga not somehow creepily steal attention from you on your birthday
Let's discuss where to put a beach chair instead of where to put a mosque
I'm not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are
I'd like to take you out for your birthday when it's convenient for me
The hurricane isn't coming anywhere near here but I say we evacuate anyway
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder
Paris Hilton saying her cocaine belonged to a friend reminded me I owe you a call
May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy
