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The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

In a zombie apocalypse I'd eat you last.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

Happy early Valentine's Day to someone who should already be planning the greatest night of my life.
Birthday Birthday

Happy birthday to a white person born during Black History Month.
Confession Confession

I'm not the kind of girl you can take home to your mother unless your mother is a drunk whore too.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

For me, you're the perfect combination of body and brains.
Sports Sports

Now that football season is over I can finally get back to wishing it was football season.
Thinking of You Thinking of You

Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
Sympathy Sympathy

Sorry even your gay friends will now be getting married before you.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

Let's stay in and devour each other this Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

Let's have a fiscally but not sexually conservative Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.
The Walking Dead The Walking Dead

I'd have to be brain-dead not to want you as my Valentine.
Birthday Birthday

May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Birthday Birthday

If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Sports Sports

Congratulations on your team coming in 2nd.
Birthday Birthday

Happy 24 Hours of Constant Facebook Notifications Day.
Thinking of You Thinking of You

I just want you to know that Amish you.
Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men.
Cry for Help Cry for Help

I hope I get a big enough tax return to support the drinking habit I've formed from filing taxes.

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