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If you go to law school, you will probably have to become a lawyer

People will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down.

I'm not perfect

Why are you going over your monthly expenses? No, let me shorten this process for you: You make dog shit, so don't spend any money

You can do what you want. But I can also do what I want. And what I'll be doing is telling everyone how fucking stupid your tattoo is

Your Starbucks drink order embarrasses me

Just wanted to remind you how important it is to pay your taxes because they pay for my unemployment

Don't touch my chocolate

Feel free to do and say whatever you like while I'm PMSing because I'm going to bite your fucking head off regardless

Deciding to ride your bike without a helmet is a beacon of hope for those in need of new organs

There is something to be said for sitting around drinking a beer while you watch your dog try to fuck a punching bag.

You're getting a little too old to drunkenly wet the bed

You won't be this cute forever

Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole

There are painless, innovative new ways for men to shave their bodies

Hos before Bros

Don't forget it's 2010 when you're writing this year's bad checks

My wife is slightly hotter than yours

If you ever tweet my eulogy, please make sure I'm dead

You're different when you drink

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Someecards.com is possibly to probably the best site on the Web for free, funny ecards. We have greeting cards for every occasion - from important to utterly pointless. Send greetings for apology, birthday, baby, breakup, congratulations, encouragement, farewell, flirting, friendship, get well, sympathy, thanks, thinking of you, wedding, workplace, and holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We suggest you e-mail them to friends, family, coworkers, loved ones, liked ones, and anyone else with fingers.