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    Your cooking sucks shit.

    Your cooking sucks shit

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    I went to a better college than you.

    I went to a better college than you

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    Your footwear is disgraceful.

    Your footwear is disgraceful

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    I did better than you on the SATs.

    I did better than you on the SATs

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    Just a reminder to put me in your Google Plus circle of people who don't give a shit about your love for Harry Potter.

    Just a reminder to put me in your Google Plus circle of people who don't give a shit about your love for Harry Potter.

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    I've done something for you lately.

    I've done something for you lately

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    Your Starbucks drink order embarrasses me.

    Your Starbucks drink order embarrasses me

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    As someone currently in a long-term relationship, allow me to walk you through the horrors of being in a long-term relationship.

    As someone currently in a long-term relationship, allow me to walk you through the horrors of being in a long-term relationship

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    I'm doing my part to save the planet by occasionally using method hand soap.

    I'm doing my part to save the planet by occasionally using method hand soap

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    The extra seconds it periodically takes for your Web site to load is taking years off my life.

    The extra seconds it periodically takes for your Web site to load is taking years off my life

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    You may want to wait for the version of the iPad that doesn't include strangers asking if it's an iPad.

    You may want to wait for the version of the iPad that doesn't include strangers asking if it's an iPad

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    I'm still pissed.

    I'm still pissed

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    Your online comments make me glad I only know you online.

    Your online comments make me glad I only know you online

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    I'm a better athlete than you.

    I'm a better athlete than you

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    The sex in Fifty Shades of Grey can't possibly be more humiliating than the grammar in your posts about it.

    The sex in Fifty Shades of Grey can't possibly be more humiliating than the grammar in your posts about it.

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    There are painless, innovative new ways for men to shave their bodies.

    There are painless, innovative new ways for men to shave their bodies

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    Don't lend me money.

    Don't lend me money

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    Hos before Bros.

    Hos before Bros

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    Wear your nicest t-shirt tomorrow.

    Wear your nicest t-shirt tomorrow

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    Why are you going over your monthly expenses? No, let me shorten this process for you: You make dog shit, so don't spend any money.

    Why are you going over your monthly expenses? No, let me shorten this process for you: You make dog shit, so don't spend any money

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