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One of the most important lessons any underage girl can learn is to never enter Jack Nicholson's hot tub
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Feel free to indulge your usual childish behavior around your friends as long as you act completely unlike yourself around mine
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Let's try not to interrupt, accuse, or threaten anyone who's black, white, or Asian based on skin color, foot faults, health care, or how awesome Beyonce's video was
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[Video Card] Tweet like a pro (Doug Benson)
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You should consider getting breast implants so your body can be identified if you're ever brutally murdered by a VH1 reality show star
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Deciding to ride your bike without a helmet is a beacon of hope for those in need of new organs
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Your boyfriend's old-fashioned romantic gestures may have to do with the fact that he's old
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I strongly advise you to wait until the Salmonella outbreak is under control before even considering having a dog lick peanut butter off your balls
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Your newfound destitution will seem much sexier if you pretend you invested with Madoff
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As someone currently in a long-term relationship, allow me to walk you through the horrors of being in a long-term relationship
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The Pill serves as a daily reminder you're not getting laid
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You're getting a little too old to drunkenly wet the bed
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A simple way to get spending under control is avoiding really hot salespeople
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Obama's victory doesn't mean it's okay to start randomly hugging black people
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Feel free to do and say whatever you like while I'm PMSing because I'm going to bite your fucking head off regardless
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Just a reminder something's coming up you may have been too busy, lazy, or self-absorbed to fully process
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The extra seconds it periodically takes for your Web site to load is taking years off my life
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Don't fuck with me
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Try to read a news headline every day
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Hearing you snore does the exact opposite of turning me on
One of the most important lessons any underage girl can learn is to never enter Jack Nicholson's hot tub
The extra seconds it periodically takes for your Web site to load is taking years off my life
Don't fuck with me
Try to read a news headline every day
Hearing you snore does the exact opposite of turning me on