Sep. 8th, 2010
May your boss not attend the synagogue you pretend to be going to during the Jewish holidays.
Sep. 26th, 2011
Just a reminder not to schedule any JDates on Rosh Hashanah.
Sep. 26th, 2011
I look forward to the Rosh Hashanah tradition of you explaining why Obama is bad for the Jews.
Sep. 26th, 2011
I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe.
Sep. 8th, 2010
I'm not Jewish but would still appreciate some acknowledgment for working on a Jewish holiday.
Sep. 27th, 2011
Let's give thanks this Rosh Hashanah that the most embarrassing thing a Jew did this year was redesign Facebook.
Sep. 8th, 2010
Happy New Year to someone who occasionally abides by the lunisolar Hebrew Calendar.
Sep. 27th, 2011
My resolution this Jewish New Year is to try and care that it's the Jewish New Year.
Sep. 8th, 2010
L'Shanah Tovah to a Jew who has no idea what I'm talking about.
Sep. 28th, 2011
Here's to a Rosh Hashanah we'll never forget since it'll be permanently documented in our Facebook Timelines.
Sep. 21st, 2008
Celebrating the Jewish New Year is like celebrating the regular New Year except we blow into a ram's horn and have the exact opposite of fun.
Sep. 29th, 2011
At least your Rosh Hashanah is going better than Kevin Youkilis's.
Sep. 7th, 2010
This Rosh Hashanah, be sure to cast off your sins before placing your football bets.
Apr. 14th, 2007
Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.
Sep. 21st, 2008
Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays.
Aug. 27th, 2007
I'm Jewish today.
Sep. 21st, 2008
The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays.
Sep. 14th, 2009
Here's to another year of lunatics focusing their conspiracy theories on the Obama administration instead of on the Jews.
Sep. 21st, 2008
Happy Holiday from a total goy.
Sep. 17th, 2009
I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart attack.