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    Here's to a Rosh Hashanah we'll never forget since it'll be permanently documented in our Facebook Timelines.

    Here's to a Rosh Hashanah we'll never forget since it'll be permanently documented in our Facebook Timelines

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    Let's give thanks this Rosh Hashanah that the most embarrassing thing a Jew did this year was redesign Facebook.

    Let's give thanks this Rosh Hashanah that the most embarrassing thing a Jew did this year was redesign Facebook

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    May your boss not attend the synagogue you pretend to be going to during the Jewish holidays.

    May your boss not attend the synagogue you pretend to be going to during the Jewish holidays

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    I look forward to the Rosh Hashanah tradition of you explaining why Obama is bad for the Jews.

    I look forward to the Rosh Hashanah tradition of you explaining why Obama is bad for the Jews

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    I'm not Jewish but would still appreciate some acknowledgment for working on a Jewish holiday.

    I'm not Jewish but would still appreciate some acknowledgment for working on a Jewish holiday

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    Just a reminder not to schedule any JDates on Rosh Hashanah.

    Just a reminder not to schedule any JDates on Rosh Hashanah

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    Happy New Year to someone who occasionally abides by the lunisolar Hebrew Calendar.

    Happy New Year to someone who occasionally abides by the lunisolar Hebrew Calendar

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    I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe.

    I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe

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    L'Shanah Tovah to a Jew who has no idea what I'm talking about.

    L'Shanah Tovah to a Jew who has no idea what I'm talking about

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    My resolution this Jewish New Year is to try and care that it's the Jewish New Year.

    My resolution this Jewish New Year is to try and care that it's the Jewish New Year

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    Celebrating the Jewish New Year is like celebrating the regular New Year except we blow into a ram's horn and have the exact opposite of fun.

    Celebrating the Jewish New Year is like celebrating the regular New Year except we blow into a ram's horn and have the exact opposite of fun

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    At least your Rosh Hashanah is going better than Kevin Youkilis's.

    At least your Rosh Hashanah is going better than Kevin Youkilis's

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    This Rosh Hashanah, be sure to cast off your sins before placing your football bets.

    This Rosh Hashanah, be sure to cast off your sins before placing your football bets

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    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.

    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is

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    Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays.

    Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays

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    I'm Jewish today.

    I'm Jewish today

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    The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays.

    The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays

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    Here's to another year of lunatics focusing their conspiracy theories on the Obama administration instead of on the Jews.

    Here's to another year of lunatics focusing their conspiracy theories on the Obama administration instead of on the Jews

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    Happy Holiday from a total goy.

    Happy Holiday from a total goy

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    I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart attack.

    I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart attack

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