I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart attack
Here's to another year of lunatics focusing their conspiracy theories on the Obama administration instead of on the Jews
Celebrating the Jewish New Year is like celebrating the regular New Year except we blow into a ram's horn and have the exact opposite of fun
I'd have a deeper understanding of Rosh Hashanah if even one of my Jewish friends understood what it was
Happy Holiday from a total goy
The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays
Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays
I'm Jewish today
Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is
I'm thankful for a holiday that doesn't require atonement or starvation
Let Thanksgiving be a reminder to start your holiday season bender
I have no Thanksgiving plans
I'd be happy to help wedge stale bread up the bird's asshole
I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut
There's a fine line between liking bromance movies and wanting to spend the rest of your life in the arms of Paul Rudd
[Video Card] What independence day is about (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)
This Canada Day, don't let the fact that we're euthanizing thousands of your geese make you think we don't appreciate your contributions to America
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Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is
I'm Jewish today
Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays
The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays
Happy Holiday from a total goy