I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart attack
Here's to another year of lunatics focusing their conspiracy theories on the Obama administration instead of on the Jews
Celebrating the Jewish New Year is like celebrating the regular New Year except we blow into a ram's horn and have the exact opposite of fun
I'd have a deeper understanding of Rosh Hashanah if even one of my Jewish friends understood what it was
Happy Holiday from a total goy
The key to weathering this rough economic climate could be the connections we make at synagogue during the High Holidays
Sorry you have to use personal days for your religion's most sacred holidays
I'm Jewish today
Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is
I'm starting a drunken brawl with the first person today who stereotypes the Irish
Save money this St. Patrick's Day by passing out as fast as humanly possible
Lets enjoy the first days of spring watching college basketball in a windowless bar
I'm worried your complete ignorance of college basketball gives you a decided advantage in the office pool
Thanks for not suing me
Be my Valentine if we're still dating then
Let's promise to only gather child-rearing suggestions from our least insane friends and relatives
Let's show pro-democracy Iranians what they're fighting for by posting videos of our Independence Day binge drinking
