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  • Workplace Workplace

    If you drink enough tonight, you won't have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.

    If you drink enough tonight, you won't have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.

  • Just Go With It Just Go With It

    You're one of the most beautiful, caring, and honest friends I can always count on to lie for me.

    You're one of the most beautiful, caring, and honest friends I can always count on to lie for me.

  • Halloween Halloween

    For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook.

    For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I wish I could stick to anything as well as Roger Clemens can stick to a lie.

    I wish I could stick to anything as well as Roger Clemens can stick to a lie.

  • Honest.. Honest..

    Honest Autocorrects: Making plans lie.

    Honest Autocorrects: Making plans lie.

  • Invention of.. Invention of..

    If I was the only person on earth who could lie, I'd still tell you the truth even if it delayed us having sex.

    If I was the only person on earth who could lie, I'd still tell you the truth even if it delayed us having sex.

  • Confession Confession

    If my life was half as good as I claim it is on Facebook I wouldn't need to be on Facebook.

    If my life was half as good as I claim it is on Facebook I wouldn't need to be on Facebook.

  • Black History.. Black History..

    I wish you were black so I wouldn't have to lie when I tell people I have a black friend.

    I wish you were black so I wouldn't have to lie when I tell people I have a black friend.

  • Accounting.. Accounting..

    Getting a new job is a great way to not have to lie about what you do.

    Getting a new job is a great way to not have to lie about what you do.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to me, the only person I haven't lied to about my age.

    Happy birthday to me, the only person I haven't lied to about my age.

  • Friendship Friendship

    Our high school reunion may be a hard place for you to lie about when you graduated high school.

    Our high school reunion may be a hard place for you to lie about when you graduated high school.

  • Honest.. Honest..

    Honest Autocorrects: New phone lie.

    Honest Autocorrects: New phone lie.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    Thanks for giving me a Valentine's Day I don't actually have to lie about.

    Thanks for giving me a Valentine's Day I don't actually have to lie about.

  • Honest.. Honest..

    Honest Autocorrects: Running late lie.

    Honest Autocorrects: Running late lie.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'd be much happier if your dick grew like Pinocchio every time you lie.

    I'd be much happier if your dick grew like Pinocchio every time you lie.

  • Workplace Workplace

    I'd love the opportunity to lie to you about my previous places of employment.

    I'd love the opportunity to lie to you about my previous places of employment.

  • Confession Confession

    I wish Obama would impose stricter background checks on people who lie about their height and weight on dating sites.

    I wish Obama would impose stricter background checks on people who lie about their height and weight on dating sites.

  • Cottonelle Cottonelle

    You're the only friend I never lie to when asked if I have any deodorant, lip gloss or wipes.

    You're the only friend I never lie to when asked if I have any deodorant, lip gloss or wipes.

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