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  • Birthday Birthday

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Sorry you have to scroll so far down the menus on websites to choose your birth year.

    Sorry you have to scroll so far down the menus on websites to choose your birth year.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who'd look much younger if not for working in this place.

    Happy birthday to someone who'd look much younger if not for working in this place.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

  • Confession Confession

    I look great in my online dating profile pictures because they were taken when I didn't need online dating to meet people.

    I look great in my online dating profile pictures because they were taken when I didn't need online dating to meet people.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Thanks for aging much more gracefully than Madonna.

    Thanks for aging much more gracefully than Madonna.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I hope you don't take this early birthday card as an indication I think you might not make it.

    I hope you don't take this early birthday card as an indication I think you might not make it.

  • BFF BFF

    I want to be your BFF until I'm too old to remember what BFF means.

    I want to be your BFF until I'm too old to remember what BFF means.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone I hope continues aging with dignity instead of publicly debating a chair.

    Happy birthday to someone I hope continues aging with dignity instead of publicly debating a chair.

  • Super Bowl.. Super Bowl..

    I'm rooting for an aging rock band to play a halftime medley of hits.

    I'm rooting for an aging rock band to play a halftime medley of hits.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Sorry you're too old to play your age as a Mega Millions number.

    Sorry you're too old to play your age as a Mega Millions number.

  • Benefit.. Benefit..

    Age is just a number that changes depending on who's asking.

    Age is just a number that changes depending on who's asking.

  • Cute Therapy Cute Therapy

    Next time you're feeling old, just be thankful your lifespan is greater than 10-15 years.

    Next time you're feeling old, just be thankful your lifespan is greater than 10-15 years.

  • Birthday Birthday

    You're only as old as your most recent selfie looks.

    You're only as old as your most recent selfie looks.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.

    May you live so long that no one wants to see you naked.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to a wife who is still as beautiful as the day she got Botox.

    Happy birthday to a wife who is still as beautiful as the day she got Botox.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone I hope cheats death for as long as Lou Reed did.

    Happy birthday to someone I hope cheats death for as long as Lou Reed did.

  • Halloween Halloween

    You've had more work done on your face than my jack o' lantern has.

    You've had more work done on your face than my jack o' lantern has.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May a 27-year-old winning the most medals in Olympic history not make you feel like an aging failure on your birthday.

    May a 27-year-old winning the most medals in Olympic history not make you feel like an aging failure on your birthday.

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