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  • Birthday Birthday

    Sorry you're old enough that the sloppy, half-naked, passed out people in your Facebook feed are your friends' babies instead of your friends.

    Sorry you're old enough that the sloppy, half-naked, passed out people in your Facebook feed are your friends' babies instead of your friends.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed.

    Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed.

  • Baby Baby

    You're going to be a great MILF.

    You're going to be a great MILF.

  • Birthday Birthday

    You don't need to be a royal fetus for me to be excited about your birthday.

    You don't need to be a royal fetus for me to be excited about your birthday.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I promise not to get you pregnant while celebrating the day you were born.

    I promise not to get you pregnant while celebrating the day you were born.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone lucky their first sight after being born wasn't Snooki's vagina.

    Happy birthday to someone lucky their first sight after being born wasn't Snooki's vagina.

  • Baby Baby

    Let your baby's birthday serve as a monument to the days when you and your spouse used to have sex.

    Let your baby's birthday serve as a monument to the days when you and your spouse used to have sex.

  • Baby Baby

    Happy anniversary of the day you grotesquely expelled another human being from your body.

    Happy anniversary of the day you grotesquely expelled another human being from your body.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Best of luck not going into labor until September 12th.

    Best of luck not going into labor until September 12th.

  • Baby Baby

    I'll attend your baby's birthday party when your baby is old enough to realize it's having a birthday party.

    I'll attend your baby's birthday party when your baby is old enough to realize it's having a birthday party.

  • Baby Baby

    You must be excited for your baby's first birthday party since it's the first time you've seen your friends in a year.

    You must be excited for your baby's first birthday party since it's the first time you've seen your friends in a year.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

    May your Easter birthday not remind you of your dwindling supply of viable eggs.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who's been to more children's birthday parties this year than adult ones.

    Happy birthday to someone who's been to more children's birthday parties this year than adult ones.

  • NickMom NickMom

    May the gooey substances on your clothes almost always be food.

    May the gooey substances on your clothes almost always be food.

  • Birthday Birthday

    30th Birthday: Congratulations on being old enough to have a baby on purpose.

    30th Birthday: Congratulations on being old enough to have a baby on purpose.

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