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  • Friendship Friendship

    Sorry I brought cheap beer to your party, then drank all your expensive beer.

    Sorry I brought cheap beer to your party, then drank all your expensive beer.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    Let's have a fiscally but not sexually conservative Valentine's Day.

    Let's have a fiscally but not sexually conservative Valentine's Day.

  • U.S. U.S.

    The reason the Louisiana Purchase was so cheap.

    The reason the Louisiana Purchase was so cheap.

  • Tax Day Tax Day

    My taxes are extremely high because I'm too cheap to pay someone to do my taxes.

    My taxes are extremely high because I'm too cheap to pay someone to do my taxes.

  • Independence Day Independence Day

    I'm glad my ancestors killed enough British soldiers so that I get an extra day off work to eat cheap hot dogs.

    I'm glad my ancestors killed enough British soldiers so that I get an extra day off work to eat cheap hot dogs.

  • TV TV

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

    I'm the Jesse Pinkman of never giving away my money.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I hope you like the cheap imitation of the real thing you wanted for Christmas.

    I hope you like the cheap imitation of the real thing you wanted for Christmas.

  • Flirting Flirting

    I'm a cheap date due to emotional issues surrounding food.

    I'm a cheap date due to emotional issues surrounding food.

  • Thanks Thanks

    Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a motel room.

    Thanks for extending your hospitality to someone far too cheap to pay for a motel room.

  • IHOP IHOP

    I hope taking you out for free pancakes on National Pancake Day doesn't make me seem cheap.

    I hope taking you out for free pancakes on National Pancake Day doesn't make me seem cheap.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card.

    Happy holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card.

  • Drinking Drinking

    I don't need to be furloughed to spend the day angrily drinking cheap booze in a bar.

    I don't need to be furloughed to spend the day angrily drinking cheap booze in a bar.

  • Sports Sports

    Sorry your favorite team's owner is cheap, incompetent, or completely off his fucking rocker.

    Sorry your favorite team's owner is cheap, incompetent, or completely off his fucking rocker.

  • Confession Confession

    I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones.

    I'm glad there will be an iPhone that's affordable to the sweatshop workers who make iPhones.

  • Tax Day Tax Day

    Having a friend like you could conceivably be some sort of tax deduction.

    Having a friend like you could conceivably be some sort of tax deduction.

  • Nurses Week Nurses Week

    Happy Nurses Week to all the nurses with friends too cheap to go to the doctor.

    Happy Nurses Week to all the nurses with friends too cheap to go to the doctor.

  • Drinking Drinking

    I'm a connoisseur of every restaurant's second cheapest bottle of wine.

    I'm a connoisseur of every restaurant's second cheapest bottle of wine.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    I'm too cheap to buy you something.

    I'm too cheap to buy you something.

  • Divorce Divorce

    At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

    At least the divorce is less expensive than the wedding.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Let's celebrate your birthday somewhere with cheap enough drinks that I can get drunk enough to ruin your birthday.

    Let's celebrate your birthday somewhere with cheap enough drinks that I can get drunk enough to ruin your birthday.

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