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  • Birthday Birthday

    May your birthday sex be twice as hot and half as painful as the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey.

    May your birthday sex be twice as hot and half as painful as the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Receiving multiple copies of Fifty Shades of Grey for your birthday doesn't necessarily mean everyone's worried about your sex life.

    Receiving multiple copies of Fifty Shades of Grey for your birthday doesn't necessarily mean everyone's worried about your sex life.

  • Father's Day Father's Day

    Happy Father's Day to someone who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Happy Father's Day to someone who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • Seasonal Seasonal

    Today's heat has me more hot and bothered than a lonely housewife reading Fifty Shades of Grey at a Magic Mike screening.

    Today's heat has me more hot and bothered than a lonely housewife reading Fifty Shades of Grey at a Magic Mike screening.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Fifty Shades of Grey doesn't hold a candle to the masochism fix I get from coming to work every Monday.

    Fifty Shades of Grey doesn't hold a candle to the masochism fix I get from coming to work every Monday.

  • Confession Confession

    My boyfriend is a lot like Christian Grey in that he's rich, kinky, and doesn't exist.

    My boyfriend is a lot like Christian Grey in that he's rich, kinky, and doesn't exist.

  • Reminders Reminders

    The only thing more torturous than the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey is the writing in Fifty Shades of Grey.

    The only thing more torturous than the sex in Fifty Shades of Grey is the writing in Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • Thinking Of You Thinking Of You

    Glad you finally found books to read that are as perverted as the porn I watch.

    Glad you finally found books to read that are as perverted as the porn I watch.

  • Reminders Reminders

    The sex in Fifty Shades of Grey can't possibly be more humiliating than the grammar in your posts about it.

    The sex in Fifty Shades of Grey can't possibly be more humiliating than the grammar in your posts about it.

  • Nurses Week Nurses Week

    Thanks to the nurses who treated me after I awkwardly tried to reenact the sex scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Thanks to the nurses who treated me after I awkwardly tried to reenact the sex scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • Confession Confession

    No matter how much you rave about Fifty Shades of Grey, I'll never be horny enough to read a book.

    No matter how much you rave about Fifty Shades of Grey, I'll never be horny enough to read a book.

  • Mother's Day Mother's Day

    May your mom not be too busy pleasuring herself to Fifty Shades of Grey to celebrate Mother's Day with you.

    May your mom not be too busy pleasuring herself to Fifty Shades of Grey to celebrate Mother's Day with you.

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