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  • Birthday Birthday

    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

    Congratulations on being one year closer to a senior citizen's discount at the movies.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on being even more annoying than your phone's ringtone.

    Congratulations on being even more annoying than your phone's ringtone.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on the nose job you're about to insist you didn't have.

    Congratulations on the nose job you're about to insist you didn't have.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on successfully performing a basic task of life which the rest of the world performs daily and without expectation of praise.

    Congratulations on successfully performing a basic task of life which the rest of the world performs daily and without expectation of praise.

  • Baby Baby

    Congratulations on the 18 year financial burden you hadn't fully considered.

    Congratulations on the 18 year financial burden you hadn't fully considered.

  • Baby Baby

    You're going to be a great MILF.

    You're going to be a great MILF.

  • Pregnancy Pregnancy

    Congratulations on your biological clock overriding your common sense and budget.

    Congratulations on your biological clock overriding your common sense and budget.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on finding your balls again.

    Congratulations on finding your balls again.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Congratulations on looking like you only aged one year since your last birthday.

    Congratulations on looking like you only aged one year since your last birthday.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.

    Congratulations on being that fat and still alive.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you're already doing.

    Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you're already doing.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship.

    Congratulations on being in a relationship with someone who doesn't realize they're in a relationship.

  • Baby Baby

    Congratulations on giving your daughter a name that she won't have to change when she becomes a stripper.

    Congratulations on giving your daughter a name that she won't have to change when she becomes a stripper.

  • Birthday Birthday

    34th Birthday: Congratulations on outliving the Son of God.

    34th Birthday: Congratulations on outliving the Son of God.

  • Pregnancy Pregnancy

    Congratulations on your pregnancy and newfound status as designated driver.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy and newfound status as designated driver.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Congratulations on being a year closer to finding out if atheism was the right choice.

    Congratulations on being a year closer to finding out if atheism was the right choice.

  • Drinking Drinking

    Congratulations on your 35th minute anniversary of being clean and sober.

    Congratulations on your 35th minute anniversary of being clean and sober.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on doing what we pay you to do.

    Congratulations on doing what we pay you to do.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations on finally accruing the vacation time you've already used.

    Congratulations on finally accruing the vacation time you've already used.

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