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  • Easter Easter

    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

  • Easter Easter

    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist.

    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist.

  • Easter Easter

    I hope you have a better Good Friday than Jesus did.

    I hope you have a better Good Friday than Jesus did.

  • Easter Easter

    It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.

    It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession.

  • Easter Easter

    After Jesus, you're my second-favorite Jew.

    After Jesus, you're my second-favorite Jew.

  • Easter Easter

    Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another.

    Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another.

  • Easter Easter

    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ.

    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ.

  • Easter Easter

    Drag a pagan to church this Easter.

    Drag a pagan to church this Easter.

  • Easter Easter

    Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew.

    Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew.

  • Easter Easter

    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.

    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.

  • Easter Easter

    You're old enough to be told that the Easter Bunny and Jesus aren't real.

    You're old enough to be told that the Easter Bunny and Jesus aren't real.

  • Easter Easter

    Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights.

    Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights.

  • Easter Easter

    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not.

    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not.

  • Easter Easter

    I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work.

    I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work.

  • Easter Easter

    Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

    Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be.

  • Easter Easter

    Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan.

    Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan.

  • Easter Easter

    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford.

    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford.

  • Easter Easter

    A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into less expensive gasoline.

    A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into less expensive gasoline.

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