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  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

  • New Year's New Year's

    Let's not spend New Year's Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year's Eve.

    Let's not spend New Year's Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year's Eve.

  • Kwanzaa Kwanzaa

    I hope your Kwanzaa is filled with people not asking what Kwanzaa is.

    I hope your Kwanzaa is filled with people not asking what Kwanzaa is.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Let's absurdly over-celebrate your birthday as much as people do Jesus's.

    Let's absurdly over-celebrate your birthday as much as people do Jesus's.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy December birthday to someone who still looks as young and fit as Jesus Christ.

    Happy December birthday to someone who still looks as young and fit as Jesus Christ.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May your December birthday be as excruciatingly milked as Christmas is.

    May your December birthday be as excruciatingly milked as Christmas is.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December.

    If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December.

  • New Year's New Year's

    Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work.

    Here's to the only workweek of the year I don't stick out for not doing any work.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    My holiday bonus is almost enough to guilt me into working at all during December.

    My holiday bonus is almost enough to guilt me into working at all during December.

  • Hanukkah Hanukkah

    Have a happy Hanukkah if you can figure out when it is.

    Have a happy Hanukkah if you can figure out when it is.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

    I'm sorry your December birthday is overshadowed by a guy who wore sandals indoors.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I promise to keep your December birthday more low-key than Jesus's.

    I promise to keep your December birthday more low-key than Jesus's.

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