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  • Sports Sports

    Wanting to make gentle yet impassioned love to Tom Brady doesn't make you gay.

    Wanting to make gentle yet impassioned love to Tom Brady doesn't make you gay.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Congratulations to the Queen of England on 60 years of doing even less work than I do.

    Congratulations to the Queen of England on 60 years of doing even less work than I do.

  • Sports Sports

    Thank god England's goalie is as inept as its oil company.

    Thank god England's goalie is as inept as its oil company.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Rather than banning porn, I wish Britain would ban updates on the royal family.

    Rather than banning porn, I wish Britain would ban updates on the royal family.

  • Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

    May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.

    May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.

  • Sports Sports

    I wish Rex Ryan would just admit he's in love with Tom Brady's feet.

    I wish Rex Ryan would just admit he's in love with Tom Brady's feet.

  • Virgin Atlantic Virgin Atlantic

    Let's remember this Thanksgiving that you spell it tomato and I spell it tomato.

    Let's remember this Thanksgiving that you spell it tomato and I spell it tomato.

  • Virgin Atlantic Virgin Atlantic

    Let's raise our glasses this Thanksgiving and say cheers to those of us who give thanks by saying cheers.

    Let's raise our glasses this Thanksgiving and say cheers to those of us who give thanks by saying cheers.

  • Virgin Atlantic Virgin Atlantic

    You and your accent are invited to Thanksgiving dinner to eat our food and charm our women.

    You and your accent are invited to Thanksgiving dinner to eat our food and charm our women.

  • Virgin Atlantic Virgin Atlantic

    Can't wait to see my family over the holidays, and to be reminded of why I moved in the first place.

    Can't wait to see my family over the holidays, and to be reminded of why I moved in the first place.

  • Virgin Atlantic Virgin Atlantic

    This Thanksgiving I'd like to invite you to a colourful evening of humour, flavour, and spelling lessons.

    This Thanksgiving I'd like to invite you to a colourful evening of humour, flavour, and spelling lessons.

  • Sports Sports

    Congratulations on your team's gritty last-second win earning them another chance to be destroyed by the Patriots.

    Congratulations on your team's gritty last-second win earning them another chance to be destroyed by the Patriots.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Congratulations on being able to hold a job longer than Randy Moss.

    Congratulations on being able to hold a job longer than Randy Moss.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

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