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  • Pregnancy Pregnancy

    I'm saving all of your Facebook pregnancy updates to one day give to your child to one day give to a psychologist.

    I'm saving all of your Facebook pregnancy updates to one day give to your child to one day give to a psychologist.

  • Confession Confession

    Your God-fearing Facebook updates do not cause me to forget the godless whore you were in high school.

    Your God-fearing Facebook updates do not cause me to forget the godless whore you were in high school.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates.

    The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates.

  • Baby Baby

    Who needs a child when they can experience every boring detail of parenthood through your Facebook updates.

    Who needs a child when they can experience every boring detail of parenthood through your Facebook updates.

  • H&R Block H&R Block

    You'd pay no taxes at all if Facebook updates were tax-deductible.

    You'd pay no taxes at all if Facebook updates were tax-deductible.

  • Thinking of You Thinking of You

    I don't believe anything I read on Facebook, including my own status updates.

    I don't believe anything I read on Facebook, including my own status updates.

  • Flirting Flirting

    Let's temporarily avoid each other's blogs, tweets and Facebook updates so we have something to talk about on our date.

    Let's temporarily avoid each other's blogs, tweets and Facebook updates so we have something to talk about on our date.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Your relentless hurricane status updates have led countless innocent people to evacuate Facebook.

    Your relentless hurricane status updates have led countless innocent people to evacuate Facebook.

  • Seeking A Friend Seeking A Friend

    An apocalyptic disaster would be worth not having to see any more of your Facebook updates.

    An apocalyptic disaster would be worth not having to see any more of your Facebook updates.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.

    Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.

  • Encouragement Encouragement

    I'll buy you a share of Facebook for every status update you don't post.

    I'll buy you a share of Facebook for every status update you don't post.

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