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  • Graduation Graduation

    For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks.

    For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks.

  • Graduation Graduation

    May your finals be as easy as you are.

    May your finals be as easy as you are.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life.

    Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's bid a final farewell for the third or fourth time to Jay Leno.

    Let's bid a final farewell for the third or fourth time to Jay Leno.

  • College College

    Good luck studying information you'll never use in the job you won't have when you graduate.

    Good luck studying information you'll never use in the job you won't have when you graduate.

  • Sports Sports

    You have an uncanny ability to predict NCAA Tournament upsets moments after they happen.

    You have an uncanny ability to predict NCAA Tournament upsets moments after they happen.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.

    Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.

  • Graduation Graduation

    You have our complete non-financial support.

    You have our complete non-financial support.

  • College College

    May your final exam grades be less damaging to your employment prospects than everything else you've done in college.

    May your final exam grades be less damaging to your employment prospects than everything else you've done in college.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Today marks the last day it's remotely appropriate for us to nail high school girls.

    Today marks the last day it's remotely appropriate for us to nail high school girls.

  • Halloween Halloween

    Halloween comes at the perfect time to finish off the final remnants of our summer bodies.

    Halloween comes at the perfect time to finish off the final remnants of our summer bodies.

  • College College

    I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams.

    I hope your mind-boggling six-figure tuition doesn't add more pressure to your performance on final exams.

  • Sports Sports

    The only reason I bet on college basketball is to use the proceeds to pay off professional gambling debts.

    The only reason I bet on college basketball is to use the proceeds to pay off professional gambling debts.

  • College College

    The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness.

    The corporate world will care less about your GPA than your mastery of social drunkenness.

  • Sports Sports

    Watching horrific sports injuries is a great reminder my body is safer with no athletic activity.

    Watching horrific sports injuries is a great reminder my body is safer with no athletic activity.

  • Graduation Graduation

    I truly believe your associate's degree will help you get a better shitty job.

    I truly believe your associate's degree will help you get a better shitty job.

  • Graduation Graduation

    May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.

    May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.

  • Graduation Graduation

    Good luck finding shameful entry-level employment.

    Good luck finding shameful entry-level employment.

  • College College

    A great way to relieve the stress of final exams is by cheating.

    A great way to relieve the stress of final exams is by cheating.

  • Sports Sports

    My crappy NCAA team no one's heard of is better than your crappy NCAA team no one's heard of.

    My crappy NCAA team no one's heard of is better than your crappy NCAA team no one's heard of.

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