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  • Birthday Birthday

    May you live long enough to shit yourself.

    May you live long enough to shit yourself.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to an adult who still depends on money being in their birthday card.

    Happy birthday to an adult who still depends on money being in their birthday card.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Here’s hoping your grandmother’s social security check makes it to her in time to send you birthday money.

    Here’s hoping your grandmother’s social security check makes it to her in time to send you birthday money.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    Happy Grandparents Day from someone who will probably be the end of this family's lineage.

    Happy Grandparents Day from someone who will probably be the end of this family's lineage.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    I bet if there were death panels, its members would take Grandparents Day off.

    I bet if there were death panels, its members would take Grandparents Day off.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    I'll always visit you regardless of its effect on my inheritance.

    I'll always visit you regardless of its effect on my inheritance.

  • Thanksgiving Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving is the perfect mix of cultural harmony and incoherently racist grandparents.

    Thanksgiving is the perfect mix of cultural harmony and incoherently racist grandparents.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    Let's celebrate Grandparents Day by setting our thermostats to 95F and gossiping about our neighbors' health.

    Let's celebrate Grandparents Day by setting our thermostats to 95F and gossiping about our neighbors' health.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    I'm glad this near-Depression has given us something to bond over.

    I'm glad this near-Depression has given us something to bond over.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    Happy Grandparents Day to a grandfather I've heard still gets it up.

    Happy Grandparents Day to a grandfather I've heard still gets it up.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    Just wanted to say how much I really need that 15-dollar birthday check this year.

    Just wanted to say how much I really need that 15-dollar birthday check this year.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    Grandmom, thanks for giving me the least screwed-up 25% of my DNA.

    Grandmom, thanks for giving me the least screwed-up 25% of my DNA.

  • Grandparents Day Grandparents Day

    May the slots be flowing this Grandparents Day.

    May the slots be flowing this Grandparents Day.

  • Apology Apology

    Mom, I just wanted to apologize for making or not making you a grandmother.

    Mom, I just wanted to apologize for making or not making you a grandmother.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Grandmom, I'd like to take you out for a birthday dinner during my lunch hour.

    Grandmom, I'd like to take you out for a birthday dinner during my lunch hour.

  • Mother's Day Mother's Day

    Grandmom, I hope your Mother's Day is filled with joy and the wherewithal to click a link and view this card.

    Grandmom, I hope your Mother's Day is filled with joy and the wherewithal to click a link and view this card.

  • Mother's Day Mother's Day

    Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

    Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

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