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  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

    Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.

    Happy birthday to someone I hope is my friend even when we're too senile to remember each other's birthdays.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who's still a long way from being as old and useless as Congress.

    Happy birthday to someone who's still a long way from being as old and useless as Congress.

  • Birthday Birthday

    May you get as much praise and attention on your birthday as an average millennial feels entitled to every day.

    May you get as much praise and attention on your birthday as an average millennial feels entitled to every day.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.

    Just wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday so I can feel superior to your other well-wishers.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who wasn't welcomed into the world via tweet or status update.

    Happy birthday to someone who wasn't welcomed into the world via tweet or status update.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler.

    Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to a father I'm only slightly afraid of slowly turning into.

    Happy birthday to a father I'm only slightly afraid of slowly turning into.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Singing 'Happy Birthday' to you is the most work I've done all week.

    Singing "Happy Birthday" to you is the most work I've done all week.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to the family member I'm least ashamed to be related to.

    Happy birthday to the family member I'm least ashamed to be related to.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine.

    Happy belated birthday to someone who now has free rein to forget mine.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy Birthday to a friend I will probably wind up living with after our husbands finally come out of the closet.

    Happy Birthday to a friend I will probably wind up living with after our husbands finally come out of the closet.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone nearly old enough to die from the flu.

    Happy birthday to someone nearly old enough to die from the flu.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

    Happy birthday to someone who looks old enough for neighbors to shovel their driveway.

  • Birthday Birthday

    You're only as old as your most recent selfie looks.

    You're only as old as your most recent selfie looks.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs.

    Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone who's still young enough to have a mother I'd like to sleep with.

    Happy birthday to someone who's still young enough to have a mother I'd like to sleep with.

  • Birthday Birthday

    I spent my entire birthday thanking people on Facebook for wishing me happy birthday.

    I spent my entire birthday thanking people on Facebook for wishing me happy birthday.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.

    Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.

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