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  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

  • Thanksgivukkah Thanksgivukkah

    Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why Hanukkah is so early this year.

    Tryptophan is a great excuse for nodding off when people are explaining why Hanukkah is so early this year.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    I can't help but wonder what real Jews are doing today.

    I can't help but wonder what real Jews are doing today.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    May your Purim celebration help offset the fact that most Jews don't care about Purim.

    May your Purim celebration help offset the fact that most Jews don't care about Purim.

  • Movies Movies

    I predict Inglourious Basterds has even more Hitler depictions, belligerent Jews, and semi-automatic assault rifles than the health care forums.

    I predict Inglourious Basterds has even more Hitler depictions, belligerent Jews, and semi-automatic assault rifles than the health care forums.

  • Passover Passover

    The amount of time it took for Obama to finally visit Israel is how long every Passover Seder feels.

    The amount of time it took for Obama to finally visit Israel is how long every Passover Seder feels.

  • Lent Lent

    I'm giving up being a self-hating Jew for Lent.

    I'm giving up being a self-hating Jew for Lent.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    I look forward to the Rosh Hashanah tradition of you explaining why Obama is bad for the Jews.

    I look forward to the Rosh Hashanah tradition of you explaining why Obama is bad for the Jews.

  • Yom Kippur Yom Kippur

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    You seem like one of those Jews that needs to google Rosh Hashanah to know whether or not you're allowed to eat.

    You seem like one of those Jews that needs to google Rosh Hashanah to know whether or not you're allowed to eat.

  • Kwanzaa Kwanzaa

    Happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa to the only black Jew I've ever met.

    Happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa to the only black Jew I've ever met.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations to non-observant New York City Jews on finally finding a use for your menorah.

    Congratulations to non-observant New York City Jews on finally finding a use for your menorah.

  • Movies Movies

    I hated Mel Gibson's new movie even more than Mel Gibson hates talking about hating Jews.

    I hated Mel Gibson's new movie even more than Mel Gibson hates talking about hating Jews.

  • Sports Sports

    I'm going to synagogue today to pray for my fantasy football team.

    I'm going to synagogue today to pray for my fantasy football team.

  • Christmas Season Christmas Season

    Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food.

    Let's celebrate the birth of Jesus by going out for Chinese food.

  • Passover Passover

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

    Let's celebrate the Jews escaping from someone who was even worse than King Joffrey.

  • Hanukkah Hanukkah

    Let's light menorahs to commemorate an eight-day miracle and because we can barely afford our electric bill.

    Let's light menorahs to commemorate an eight-day miracle and because we can barely afford our electric bill.

  • Rosh Hashanah Rosh Hashanah

    I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.

    I truly feel like we're the Chosen People when our holidays fall on a weekday.

  • DailyCandy.. DailyCandy..

    In lieu of gifts this Hanukkah, I'm asking for better JDate results.

    In lieu of gifts this Hanukkah, I'm asking for better JDate results.

  • Weekend Weekend

    I don't need to be an Orthodox Jew to vigorously refrain from any physical labor on Saturday.

    I don't need to be an Orthodox Jew to vigorously refrain from any physical labor on Saturday.

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