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  • Flirting Flirting

    I want to lavish as much attention on your vagina as if it were about to expel a royal baby.

    I want to lavish as much attention on your vagina as if it were about to expel a royal baby.

  • Confession Confession

    I hope Kate Middleton's labor is less painful than me having to hear about it.

    I hope Kate Middleton's labor is less painful than me having to hear about it.

  • Sympathy Sympathy

    Condolences to Prince William on the the royal vagina's ruination.

    Condolences to Prince William on the the royal vagina's ruination.

  • Congratulations Congratulations

    Congratulations to the royal baby on escaping the womb of a commoner.

    Congratulations to the royal baby on escaping the womb of a commoner.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Let's make Monday at our crappy jobs slightly more depressing with constant reminders that we weren't born into royalty.

    Let's make Monday at our crappy jobs slightly more depressing with constant reminders that we weren't born into royalty.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Let's welcome the royal baby boy into a world where millions of people lost money by incorrectly guessing his gender.

    Let's welcome the royal baby boy into a world where millions of people lost money by incorrectly guessing his gender.

  • Workplace Workplace

    Here's to doing as little work today as the royal baby will do in his entire life.

    Here's to doing as little work today as the royal baby will do in his entire life.

  • Birthday Birthday

    Happy birthday to my favorite commoner.

    Happy birthday to my favorite commoner.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    Rather than banning porn, I wish Britain would ban updates on the royal family.

    Rather than banning porn, I wish Britain would ban updates on the royal family.

  • Baby Baby

    I can't believe how much the royal baby looks like every other baby I don't know or care about.

    I can't believe how much the royal baby looks like every other baby I don't know or care about.

  • Reminders Reminders

    You can't wait seven years to propose if you're not in line to become king.

    You can't wait seven years to propose if you're not in line to become king.

  • Somewhat Topical Somewhat Topical

    I'd settle for the prince who wore the Nazi costume.

    I'd settle for the prince who wore the Nazi costume.

  • Baby Baby

    I'm as nauseous from hearing about Kate Middleton's pregnancy as she is from being pregnant.

    I'm as nauseous from hearing about Kate Middleton's pregnancy as she is from being pregnant.

  • Baby Baby

    Even without relentless worldwide media attention, I'm confident we'll see more pictures of your baby than Kate Middleton's.

    Even without relentless worldwide media attention, I'm confident we'll see more pictures of your baby than Kate Middleton's.

  • Birthday Birthday

    You don't need to be a royal fetus for me to be excited about your birthday.

    You don't need to be a royal fetus for me to be excited about your birthday.

  • Wedding Wedding

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

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